Diary of a Dumb*ss: Knitting Bones

I have uttered more swear words in the last 24 hours (both in my head, as well as vocally) than I have spewed in the last 24 years.  In fact, if G-d really is everywhere, then yesterday's foul-mouth, epic rant in my head while the Doc was setting the bones in my wrist is sending me straight to Hell, for sure.  From what I recall, the 'way too young to be doing this' intern was quite bemused by the curses that did escape my mouth -- the orthopedic surgeon... not so much.

From the moment I landed on the ice, I knew I was heading to the hospital. And what are the first three thoughts that go through my mind?

#1) Where is my son?
#2) I don't have time for this #@$% !
#3) Will I still be able to knit with a cast?

OMG, really? That was #3? Not 'Is there a medic here at the City Hall skating rink'? But rather, 'will I be able to finish the baby blanket for Barb in time'? Seriously?

A day after the misadventure I can see much more clearly. In fact, thanks to my physician's atypical easy-to-read handwriting I can see I was completely wackadoodle due to the adrenaline overload that was surging through my veins.  I must have been babbling out loud "thought #3" because that's what he had initially written down as my profession. Ha! After I explained that I prefer to maintain my amateur status so I can continue to compete in the Knitting Olympics every couple of years we were able to move past the 'profession' confusion. Nice chap that doctor, despite the complete lack of a sense of humour... shame.

So, here I now sit...arm propped up like I'm Queen Lizzy doing the Royal Wave...except definitely not so regal.

Things I have learned so far while being casted:

* Pharmacists don't always think...If they did, they wouldn't give the one-armed wonder pain meds in a bottle with a child-proof cap (this discovery led to the 4 a.m. swear words).
* Ten year olds and Teenagers have very different ways of expressing 'get well soon' messages on a cast. Both are sweet...but one almost made me pee my pants. Which brought me to my next realization:
* I need more Yoga pants. It's the winter. Nylons, tights and skinny jeans are no-can-do's until this bloody thing is off. But here's the problem...one of the reasons I went skating yesterday is because I loathe 'Boxing Week' shopping. I don't care if it is 50% off, I am not lining up for 2 hours in the hope that LuLuLemon has a deal on yoga pants in my size. But if I want to go to the bathroom when I need to go to the bathroom, I may just have to suck it up. 
* Also, I find it truly amazing that even with only one operational hand, I am still the only person in my household capable of changing the toilet paper roll! (this
discovery led to last night's 7 p.m. swear words).
* I can strip a king sized bed of all its sheets but doubt I can get them back on all by myself (stay tuned for this afternoon's 4 p.m. swear words)
* The desire to knit far outweighs the ability to knit... which leads to both boredom and frustration... which leads to one handed typing experiments and cathartic blog blathering.  Considering I supplemented my undergrad and graduate income with typing gigs, I suppose I shouldn't be too surprised that I would turn to a keyboard. Mind you, the predictive keyboard on the smartphone was a communications life saver yesterday. My 18 month old laptop suddenly seems antiquated.
* I wish I could turn back time ... but I can't frog this one back a few lines and correct my dumb*ss mistake. Knitting bones takes longer than knitting yarn.  I better start realizing that a cast-cozy should be my next project.

It's not that I haven't been knitting...I've been too busy to blog. Really.

Seriously.

Blog, shmog - I'm just trying to do what we all do: get the basics done so maybe I can divvy up my twenty four hour day as efficiently as possible:

Home life
Parental life
Work life
Volunteer life and
if I'm lucky: Knit life.

Right now, I am up to my ying-yangs in holiday knitting.  I get most of my projects done on the subway these days.  Yes, I can knit while standing up and being shokelled around in a giant tin can filled with Hogtown's unwashed masses.  I'm an exhausted and motivated person who has come to accept that sleep is overrated and for the weak. Compact circular needles are great for public transit knitting, but sharp double pointed bamboo sticks will almost always guarantee you a seat! I'm not mean - I'm proactive.

So here it is: la grande 'catch up'. Things I have knitted since last I posted and didn't have time to share.

Last Chanukah, one my favorite people gave me the fabulous book Literary Knits by Nikol Lohr.
I love it!

Sydney Carton Cowl

For my awesome brother, I knit the Tale of Two Cities neck-warmer (yes - with an embedded morse code message), Little Women Jo Mittens for my most fabulous sis-in-law and some Tess of the D'Ubervilles fingerless gloves for the BFF who bought me the book.  I admit it, I'm a geek knitter - but the people for whom I create geeky knits: they get it (and they get me).

Also:  A couple of 'mazel tov, you got hitched' decorative one-of-a-kinds, lots and lots of 'welcome to the world' baby gifts, a cat toy (don't ask), a half dozen or so pairs of socks (who doesn't love socks? Surely your Bubbie knit you some socks--that's why you love(d) her so much!) and, Good Lord, so very many infinity scarves - too many...I stopped after I was asked how many I had knit in 2014 and I answered 'to infinity and beyond'.  When the pun becomes your retort, it is time to choose a new go-to gift.

I will not reveal my fresh off the sticks prezzies, but not to worry - Chanukah is less than two weeks away. A little patience, please...I'm knitting as fast as I can - in between subway stops.

close-up of my cryptic, Madame Defarge Magnum Opus

Knitting for 'Jo'

Jo's mitts

Thomas Hardy inspired fashion

If Tess was a downtown-dwelling hipster, she would have worn these, for sure!

Cute...even if I am ridiculously allergic to the little beasties.

The classic Song of Songs phrase: all knitted up and blinged out with beads.

Socks for a very special person in my life

Clearly you can get a lot of mileage out of 2 skeins of sock yarn

Son of Rebel Knitter: Maverick Knitter

It was like an episode of the Vinyl Cafe: Morley teaches Sam to knit.  I remember listening to Stuart McLean tell the story on the radio, making everyone in the house shush so I could hear it from beginning to end.  Wishing that my son would one day express the intent to knit, just like Sam.  It was, if I remember correctly, about a week or two after I had re-taught my daughter how to knit, perhaps for the third time.  Then, it happened. 

A month before his sister's birthday, my 9 year old decided he was going to learn how to knit so he could make his big sister a birthday present.  YES!  Better yet: it took him exactly 30 seconds to learn the garter stitch, less than 2 minutes to perfect it.  JOY!  One day into the new hobby, he had completed the first of what would become 5 separate birthday projects. YAY! 

By day three, 2 bracelets were complete and a super long scarf was on the needles.  Son of Rebel turns to his mother and says "Mom, I'm no good. You can knit soooooo much faster than me." "Well, sweetie, first of all, you're an awesome knitter, second of all I've been knitting since I was five years old. I can practically knit in my sleep." "FIVE????? You mean I could have learnt when I was five???? Why did you wait so long to teach me!?!?!?!?"  "Um... you didn't ask to learn." "I had to ask?!?!?!?!"

I told him that over the years, some of my best students have been boys. N ot sure why.  Perhaps because, as a society, we tend not to see boys as knitters, and the boys that ask to learn how to knit really, really, really want to learn, so they excel. Maybe. Maybe not.  Not sure.  Could also be that my boy knitters turned knitting into an Olympic event. Yes, speed knitting demons (see my book about Hanan and his Kibbutz friends who were competitive speed knitters - warmest IDF recruits up on Masada that cold, windy night!).  Over the years, there have been days when my Friday Afternoon Knitting club turned into Sports club.

Then some awfully cool things happened.  The conversation after dinner began to change: 

"Mom, if I take a shower, brush my teeth and get into my pyjamas real quick, can we watch The Rick Mercer Report and knit together before bed time?"  YES! YES! YES!

"Mom, are there any famous guy knitters?"
You betcha!
http://www.lionbrand.com/wordpress4/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/knittingmen.jpg


YES.  Ryan Gosling according to Vanity Fair http://www.vanityfair.com/online/oscars/2013/01/ryan-gosling-hobby-knitting-interview and Russell Crowe http://www.knittingonthenet.com/wallpaper/rc.htm  Sure, this might an urban legend, but who am I to argue with potential knitting eye-candy?

Jacques Plantes, perhaps, was the greatest hit with the little guy.  Proof that knitting skills leads to a solution minded thinker.  This awesome Habs goalie proves my mantra Knitters are Engineers!  Just saying!

I told my son about one of the later life learners I know named, Geoff.  Geoff learned how to knit when he was a young boy.  Everyone, boys, girls, you name it.... everyone knit socks for the soldiers.

http://www.examiner.com/article/knitting-for-our-troops
http://www.warmuseum.ca/cwm/education/toolkit/kitcrown_e.shtml

Found all these photos for him (G-d bless the internet)

Geoff, by the way, is still an outstanding knitter.  Knit one of the bears I sent over for Mother Bear Project, see the November 2010 Knittishisms blog post. You rock, Geoff!

By week two, my boy wanted his own fibre name.  I didn't have to think hard... he came to my room that evening in his pj's and his cowboy hat, et voila: Maverick Knitter was born.

Astute child!  Started using his camping headlamp when the light was iffy. Clever, clever offspring... Definitely a Jacques Plantes move! Got to get me one of those!

Well in advance of big sister's birthday, Maverick Knitter had completed 3 bracelets, a ring and a scarf longer than I am tall (and I am pretty tall).  Very impressive.

"What do I knit next Mom?"   "Well, I'm going to knit Uncle Jeff a birthday present."  "Me too!"  "Then off to the yarn store we go!"

Yarn shopping with my boy was a completely different experience than yarn shopping with my girl at the same age.  Five years ago, Mademoiselle was all "let's buy pink, and orange, and blue, and camo, and... and... and..."  that had been a pricey visit to the store: but an important one, nonetheless because of Lesson #1 Knitting for Children: if you want them to wear what you knit, let them help choose the yarn (colours and all -- and there will be a lot of colours.... sigh.)   Alas, yarn shopping with Maverick was an experience I can only describe as yarn shopping with a caveman. Yarn = Ball.  Ball = Throw. Throw. Throw. Throw. STOP!!!!!!!!!   Where did my mild mannered knitter boy go?  All of a sudden it's a Fred Flintstone meets Joe DiMaggio episode.  Eeegads. Thank goodness he's cute. Also, the store was not that busy, and, I can run and fetch quick. grrrr.

Interesting thing about boys knitting in public..... Maverick very quickly tuned into the fact that if he brought his knitting along to 'occupy' himself (read: showcase himself), people, especially older women, would come over and chat him up.  He scored big in my hair salon one day.  The Rihanna-look-alike even made him blush!  The ladies at his Bubbie's chair-yoga-class thought he was just adorable.... Smart kid, that Maverick.  Loves to be fawned over.


What is next for Maverick Knitter?  Not sure.
He has recently become enamoured with his new drum kit. 
Has he traded one set of sticks for another?

I think not.

I am certain this is just cross-training.